wildernessVoice

As far as blogging has been concerned, I’ve been absent for the better part of 2 years. Sure, I’ve poked around to various friends’ sites and dropped an occasional comment or two. I’ve even written a post on very rare occasions. But it has been difficult to write much of anything. I basically reached a point where I either didn’t care, felt I had nothing to say, or was annoyed at what I’ve seen and heard. Most of the time, it was this later feeling that contributed to me wanting to stop caring, which caused me to have little to say.

When I started my blog back in 2001 it was with the intention of writing about theological changes being brought into my life. My eyes were in a constant state of being opened to new realities and I tried my best to document the journey. During the course of much changing, I experienced numerous battles which eventually turned me quite sour on our churches in America and on Christians in general.  I had tried numerous times over the years to help people through various means: finances, education, friendship, and so on. What I derived in the end was nothing short of a realization of 2Peter 2:22:

It has happened to them according to the true proverb, ‘a dog returns to its own vomit’, and ‘a sow, after washing, returns to wallowing in the mire’.

No matter the occasion, I can count on one hand the number of times that I saw true change. And, without exception, the ones who didn’t return their mire were non-Christians. Those who professed Christ were typically full of deception. Even the ones who genuinely looked to be struggling against the norm, the ones who appeared to be dealing with deep, personal conviction, seemed to return to the thing or the ones that caused so much unrest in their soul.

It was also during this period, especially 2006 through 2007, that I began meeting and conversing with other Christians online who claimed to have become reformed in their theology. What I found, instead, was lack of desire to sincerely follow the new path they were supposedly embarked upon. Rather, they would cling to their former ways, yet continue to gripe over them.

In the end, I came to some conclusions:

1. My eyes were not opened by my own initiative, but rather against them
2. No matter how hard I tried, I could not change a person’s mind concerning spiritual things
3. Much internal conflict gets confused with conviction, but rarely is it of the effectual, changing nature
4. People would rather live vicariously through others than to endure their own journeys
5. Um… you can lead a horse to water but you definitely can’t make him drink

But you know what? It was Paul who really summarized this more succinctly:

So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.

–Phil 2:12-13

So, where am I after all of this? I am doing my thing, not really worried about what others think or do. Rather, I am resolved to do my part in this world, trusting God to place the desires in my heart, and to equip me to actually cary out them out. If I can be used to make an occasional difference, then perhaps my life will not be in vain. But in the end, it is all up to God and his desires and mercies. I am merely an active passenger on this journey.

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2pet 2:22, apathy, blindness, christianity, dog returns to vomit, phil 2:12-13, religion, wildernessvoice