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Nevertheless, I am what I am, after Cefadroxil. And I alone must learn to live with myself. Buy Cefadroxil Without Prescription, While I still view this calling to be a curse, I have found relative peace in the last few months with my new found friendships. Cefadroxil wiki, The non-Christian/religious people who seem to converse with me have given me a place to be myself and to live out my walk and my faith without all of the condemnation and criticsm I have experienced over the years. And though they don't understand or agree with all that I'm about, they seem to tolerate me well from more of a philosophical perspective, Cefadroxil no prescription. I can be ME with them. Doses Cefadroxil work, There's no worrying about keeping anything shut up inside and they seem to appreciate, more, my perspective on life and on living with my fellow man, buy cheap Cefadroxil. Could this be my home, Buy Cefadroxil Without Prescription. I don't know. Herbal Cefadroxil, I find myself at one of life's crossroads, again. This one is decidedly different than all those, Cefadroxil pictures, which have come before. Cefadroxil from canadian pharmacy, I do not know what to expect from it. Buy Cefadroxil Without Prescription, There is so much I do not know and much more that I fear. Yet freedom seems to be meeting me. Could it be that I've seared my conscience, cheap Cefadroxil. Have I grown cold to the things of God. Purchase Cefadroxil online, Am I believing a lie and have I been deceived. These are questions I find myself asking, Buy Cefadroxil Without Prescription.
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Several weeks ago, I made a switch in how I blog. My goal, was to stop alienating those friends who believed differently than me. And I wanted to stop the round robin theology that I found myself growing weary of. It's easy to bounce things off of people and hope they will reinforce what I've written, Buy Cefadroxil Without Prescription. The trend of being more profound than the other guy can be quite a temptation. But it is an empty temptation that I have found leading to pride and condescension. My change in style has nipped that in the bud. And I haven't regretted it since. Buy Cefadroxil Without Prescription, No doubt I will continue to alienate some in my life. I assure you that is not my intention. I am not walking away from what I believe, but rather trying to embrace it more. I simply wish to be free to be me and not the person that folks have wanted me to become. Needless to say I have quite a few mixed emotions. But I'm not as torn as I probably should be. It would just be nice if I could wave a magic wand and make some forget about me. Ugh.
A bit of a sobering one, don't you think.
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03/09/2006 at 3:28 pm Permalink
I like where you are going with this, and in some ways it may parallel what I have been going through in the past few years. We ought to seek approval of God, not man, I have been told. But in the process of sriving for that, I found that I was seeking approval of the church whose boundaries do not always match those of the true faith. Does that make sense?
Look forward to reading more about your journey.
03/09/2006 at 5:44 pm Permalink
Mike, this is just me and my nonesense talking here, but I dont’ understand how you would view your calling to be a curse. Granted that I don’t know you that well on a personal level but I believe that people that the right to believe in whatever the hell they want. There is no right or wrong. Ok, I’m lying there is. Murdering is wrong. My point is that you are who you are and people (family and friends) should love you for that. I do believe in God, but do I go to chuch like I should? No I don’t. But I also don’t believe that I’m going to hell for it either…
I’m not sure any of this makes sense but hopefully it does. Be who you are. People should love you for it.
03/09/2006 at 5:54 pm Permalink
David: David, people invariably want to green-light the things we do. And I don’t have too much of a problem with it– as long as I don’t care
Sarah: Hey Sarah, thanks for chiming in. I do agree with being ourselves. But it’s not always so easy as that. And I am all about being me these days.
03/09/2006 at 6:39 pm Permalink
I’m going to try to do my best to choose my words carefully as I try to say what I’ve thought about since I read this this morning….
You have not wanted to give in or succomb to conformity.
You seem to be appologizing for this and I don’t know why…. Why are you appologizing for being who you are, how you have felt, where these feelings have brought you…to be who you are today.
How is that saying…you have to close one door before you can open and enter another. Life if full of the unexpected and I truly believe one has to be pro active to attain happiness. Sometimes in doing so choices and decisions must be made that effect others.
I don’t know…my thoughts are all over the place on this one. But what it all comes down to is that you really should be “you”. Most definately this is a struggle I have had over the past year. I say continue to embrace what you believe in and continue on your path to be you. I think you are doing a hellova job at it.
And hey, if you find that magic wand, could you pass it along my way as well.
03/09/2006 at 6:53 pm Permalink
Thanks for this clarifying post, Mike. I’ve seen how radically your blogging and your comments have changed, and I must admit that I was worried a little. So I prayed for whatever might be going on in your life. I so appreciate this post, and the reassurance it gives of your religious convictions. It sounds more like the Apostle Paul to me, “being all things to all people” for the sake of winning them to the truth-even going to the places where all the philosophers philosophized, to join them in their philosophies of daily life, and to ultimately present the gospel to them. I just read a book that suggested we all take inventory of our lives and ask God to show us where we fit in the big scheme of things. Does God want you, or me, to be a missionart? Or does he want you to be Mike the Christian computer guy who interacts with many people of differing backgrounds? Does He want me to be a missionary, or to stay home while my husband goes to work everyday spreading the gospel via radio (GTY), and be a living testimony of God’s grace to my neighbors by my diligence, love, and friendship? I find the second to be my calling, my place in the big scheme of things, praying for our missionaries, but investing the majority of my temporal and material wealth here where I live.
03/09/2006 at 6:57 pm Permalink
me again
03/09/2006 at 6:58 pm Permalink
Why won’t this link to my name?
03/09/2006 at 8:23 pm Permalink
Thanks EE! I do want to be myself. And I need to be. I really can’t be what I’m not.
The problem with being me is that I am incapable of keeping my mouth shut when it’s most convenient. If I see any type of wrong doing… my mouth will pop open. It’s just how I’m wired.
This has certainly taken its toll on Chelle and me as I’ve quite jobs or left churches as a result. I’ll usually try to correct thigs if possible and then I’ll leave if necessary. I don’t like my name associated with certain things.
But a call to the gospel ministry brings with it certain requirements. And I have tried to satisfy those requirements for some time. The only time I was able to satisfy folks was back in Jacksonville. Since 1992, I have never really felt accepted, until recently. I’ve been a part of a nice church since January.
Who knows what lays ahead?
03/09/2006 at 9:08 pm Permalink
Mike, I agree in that many of my non-Christian friends and acquaintences are much more honest about their relationship (or lack thereof) with God than most of the Churchy folks I come in contact with. Why is that? The church I have just left is nothing more than a County Club, I am sadly convinced; the only difference is that money and/or political power is not the motive force for climbing the ladder of prominence: that is merely replaced by the ability to do busy-work for the church and use Churchy lingo.
04/09/2006 at 11:02 pm Permalink
I have waited to comment on this because I was not sure what to say. I have seen the struggle you have had (we) when it came to the many decisions you have made in our lives. I did not always like them, and was afraid because of some of them, but we always ended up stronger in the long run. I have learned to trust you in choosing what is right for us as a family. You have done well.
The choices you have made with job decisions, although, scary, ended up being the best ones, and same goes with the churches. The dream you have as a preacher of the gospel can still happen. You’re a wonderful preacher. I’ve heard you, and now that we are not in a church where people think ‘your just Mike the computer guy.” This is a new church for us, a fresh start. No one knows our past. I enjoy going to a place that we both love.
Whatever you decide, which crossroad path you take, I hope and pray that you do not compromise who you are now. So much of my life, I have been trying to “fit in” with the crowd and I am tired of it. I want you to be Mike. I love you for who you are, my husband and best friend.
05/09/2006 at 7:23 am Permalink
Gordan: Churches are a funny thing, and I don’t want people to think I’m against them. I’m not. But because they’re living organisms comprised of people, you have to contend with people. And people suffer from corruptness. Sometimes it’s money or power based. And sometimes it’s based on preeminence. I think I’ve hit all of these over the year.
I really, really hate it when professing Christians will puff themselves up by looking down upon those who do not share our faith. This really upsets me because it’s the height of arrogance and pride.
As I’ve noted before, my faith is not my faith. I didn’t wake up one morning and say, “Gee, I think I’m gonna completely overhaul all of my views, turn my world upside down, and pursue a faith, which may and probably will alienate all those closest to me. Hot damn that sounds like a good time!”
This didn’t happen to me and sorry for the expression above. I really couldn’t think of anything that would adequately capture it. NO. It did happen all of a sudden, but it came by my eyes being opened by God.
For those who do not consider yourself to be either Christian or religious, this is an important distinction. Many will profess to believing a particular way or to being a particular way. The proof’s in the puddin’. Know that with all assurance. And faith, according to all of our creeds is a Gift from God and not something to brag about.
Anyway G, does this mean you guys have left? We should talk more.
Chelle: The church we’re currently in is quite nice. The folks seem to be so caring and real. And the preaching is wonderful and edifying.
I suppose I have placed myself under a tremendous amount of guilt from the years. And it has all taken its toll on me. I despise my calling because it has always brought the attacks and heartache. And you’re right about us making it through it all. But the toll has been taken, nonetheless.
It’s much easier to simply live out my faith on a daily basis and hope that someone might occasionally ask me a question or be in need of some perspective. In that respect I do not intend to change at all. My faith and my convictions are deeply rooted and cannot be uprooted.
Anyway… thanks for putting up with me all these years.
03/02/2007 at 4:00 pm Permalink
hi mike,
thanks for sharing this. i feel as though i can relate to your “curse” to some degree. i’d actually like to go out on a limb here and take you up on the hope that you express in the last paragraph of the preceding post, as i am searching for some perspective. i am in between churches, having just left a “mega” independent baptist church that i have attended for the last 8+ years. it is an unfamiliar position to be in, and while my daily Christian walk is stronger, i also realize that the local church and the fellowship of fellow believers is needful.
keep blogging and God bless!