Friendship and being a friend are terms we’ve learned to live with since we were children. How many books or motivational presentations or sermons have you ever heard on friendship? And have you ever thought about levels of friendship? Are there friends you consider to be best friends? And do you have friends you really consider to be acquaintences?
I think the one thing we can count on that we all hold consistent regarding this topic is that NONE of us desire to be without friends. I don’t know about you, but I think I’ve been there before. In fact, I know I have.
You see? When you find yourself one day flush with friends and the next day all alone, you start to question your notion of friendship. But this really isn’t intended to be a post about analyzing good friends vs. bad friends. This is really meant to be a bit more introspective. And this is to give you my notion of being a friend.
As a result of various turns and twists in my life, I have come to the conclusion that spending my time looking for good friends was going to be time poorly spent. It just seems elusive. The harder you look, the faster it flees. Rather than lose more precious time, I thought about simply being the best friend I could possibly be, something I clearly wasn’t very good at in my earlier years.
Coming from a fairly Christian, or what some would consider to be ultra religious, background over the past 15 years, I have seen my fair share of good people throw other good people under the bus too many times. And while being in such company, I grew accustomed to being told the type of people I should be friends with and the type I should not. “Love not the world, neither the things in the world…” seems to come to mind. This verse always seems to pop up on such topics, but with a fairly detailed explanation of the context. But while the context may be close to accurate, the application of the text invariably results in criticism for befriending folks of different faith and beliefs. More to the point, I cannot tell you how many times I was taught to look down upon people who were different than me or of my supposed faith.
What a bunch of CRAP! Guys, let me tell you something fairly simple. And I hope you’re pick’n up what I’m put’n down. WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT. Even when we think we’re similar, we’re different. And it’s our individuality, mixed with that of others, which makes life colorful and enjoyable. Now, I’m not talking about racial discrimination here, though I think it’s fairly applicable. I am talking about every facet of life: race, creed, religion, sexual preference, political views, etc.
Now, am I suggesting that we accept one another’s views? Am I suggesting that we’re ultimately the same? Heck no! I am suggesting we give one another benefit of the doubt. We extend trust, until it’s lost. We demonstrate mutual respect to those who disagree with us or who believe differently. We give one another a chance.
When we arrive here, we’re ready to examine what it means to be a friend. Otherwise, all that we do and exchange with others will be conditional. Hmm… see where I’m going?
Once we’ve come to this place, we possibly have a chance to pour ourselves into those around us, whether family members, loved ones, workers at the grocery store and so on. We need to invest ourselves into others regardless of what we might ever receive in return. I’ll go a step further, we need to do more than simply invest. We need to love them. We need to be kind to them. We need to be patient with them. We need to encourage them and even see the good in them.
I am by no means there. I am trying. Some days are better than others. And sometimes I may even have a pretty decent streak. But there is still much to work on. Perhaps one day, I may actually be this type of friend. The kind that someone might actually value when there is no one else. When he is all alone.
I do value my friendships much more so than ever before. But these days, my focus is on whether or not I’m being a good friend. I want to be. I wouldn’t want anyone to ever experience that sense of aloneness that I have once felt. And if some take advantage of me in a bad sense, so be it. I’d rather be vulnerable and possibly discover such friendship than to be guarded and never have anything above a shallow relationship.
If you see me struggling or even falling behind in this endeavor, I do hope you will be a friend and give me a nudge. Sometimes that’s very necessary. And I suppose one of the reasons I love blogging is that the comment system allows for such feedback. I wonder if I’m the only one who has noticed that 
Because we’re not face-to-face, we’re sometimes more open and honest online. Just a thought. Anyway, I enjoy it. And I enjoy you. And I hope to be a good friend to you.
25/08/2006 at 2:09 am Permalink
I remember a quote that someone said one time. “Happy is the man that has a friend, happier is the man that is a friend, and happiest is the man that has and is a friend.”
I would like to be known someday as the girl who was a friend to everyone.
Great post, Honey!
25/08/2006 at 3:15 am Permalink
I think that is already true of you Hon
25/08/2006 at 12:55 pm Permalink
I have noticed that it is easier to be honest and vulnerable via the faceless blog. Why is that? I feel like I know people I’ve never seen far better than I know people who’ve been to my house. Even friends I know from church, we find it easier to express ourselves and our truest feelings by written word. I was recently challenged and convicted by a poem written by a friend, confessing she had often taken pride in being the strong one, in not showing her vulnerability. We all have to get past that point, and show our true selves, even the dirty stuff, if we are going to be true friends with someone. I believe this is reflected in my blog, as I have taken my always-cheerful mask off to show my real feelings. I believe this is true; I don’t know-you tell me.
25/08/2006 at 1:23 pm Permalink
Great post! Another life lesson that comes hard and isn’t always as easy to grasp. I went years without friends. It wasn’t because I wasn’t trying to be a good friend either. It’s because I chose to befriend people who didn’t care. They took what you gave and they ran away.
So it’s good to be the kind of person worth loving and to try and love everyone for their differences. But it’s also key to recognize when that effort is and isn’t being appreciated too. Be your own friend in a sense.
25/08/2006 at 3:09 pm Permalink
JenM: It is a strange thing. And I’m not exactly sure why we do it except that somehow we don’t fear the immediate reaction for what we might say. But then again, I’m certainly no psychologist.
And I do think it’s very important to even admit our faults and mistakes. It leaves us vulnerable to criticism, but so what? It’s a good thing.
Tink: I have done the same thing in the past. But in HS and in my earlier adult years, I really wrestled with the whole passive-aggressive thing. I really needed constant feedback or attention to make up for my ultra-low self-esteem. And it was then that I began cracking jokes to relieve my pain. I don’t think I’m like that now, but it’s been tough getting here. Although I still crack jokes
And are you saying I should give myself a hug?
Actually, I kno what you’re saying and you’re right. Sometimes we do have to cut ourselves some slack too.
Thanks for the comments guys. I’ve got some GREAT friends! And wife too
25/08/2006 at 8:36 pm Permalink
Hmm. Great post. REALLY, I agree w/ so much that you said.
I had a small group of ‘friends’ in school, junior high through high school. And while I *thought* they were good friends, in hindsight, looking back, they were horrendous. The way they treated me and each other, really in just an effort to gain ‘status’ or appear cool or whatever….was just pathetic.
I have sense realized the ‘ick’ I underwent and what was taking place. None of those people are my friends anymore. And I think it was a great learning experience as to what you allow to happen and take place in your life, how you allow yourself to be treated and who you take into your heart.
Every so often I find myself in an unhealthy relationship with a friend and sadly it’s usually too late to realize. But it definately causes growth in myself.
I guess mainly, what I have to agree with is that friends are *THE* most important thing to me. I wouldn’t be who I am or where I am with out them. They are who I turn to when I need someone most, whether it be in good times or bad. And I find *tremendous* joy in pleasing them as well. Bc as you so eloquently stated, they are incredibly important to have in our lives.
WOW am I long winded or what. LOL! This is just a very important topic near and dear to my heart. I, myself, could write an incredibly long post on friendships and how they have effected my life. And how *important* they are to have.
26/08/2006 at 1:42 am Permalink
EE, thank you for your comment. And you were a little more “detailed” than usual. LOL! But I think that’s a good thing and I’m appreciative of it. I wouldn’t have it any other way. But you actually didn’t have to do so in this particuarly case. When I think of good friendships and of those who seem to have it down, I think of you. You have become a GREAT friend and I love seeing how you are with your other friends too. There’s no discriminating in you and I don’t see you playing favorites. Rather, you always are laying it all out there, even if it might hurt you.
My friend, you are in a good place when it comes to this
26/08/2006 at 2:26 pm Permalink
I always try and give the benefit of the doubt and to also look at things from different points of view. If someone does something that pisses me off I try to consider their POV — because how I interpret something and how it was meant to come across (or the circumstances behind it) might be two totally different things. Now I’ll admit, it’s not always easy to do that, but I try. I make a conscious effort.
26/08/2006 at 2:27 pm Permalink
Oops. I do know my URL, really.
27/08/2006 at 3:00 pm Permalink
I know what you’re talking about. And you’re right, sometimes it’s not easy. But I think it’s pretty good policy or stand operating procedure (SOP)
And I’m glad you know your URL. If you ever do forget it, you can find yourself on my Links
28/08/2006 at 10:41 am Permalink
Having known Katherine as such an awesome friend, she has great advice. Wonderful words. We all should do the same.
And I fully agree w/ the words that you should treat others how you yourself would want and expect to be treated.
And Mike…umm, can you say F-L-A-T-T-E-R-E-D. *Thank you*
28/08/2006 at 1:07 pm Permalink
You’re welcome. But I’m the one who is thankful and flattered