Okay, I have received a few statements from friends that they peruse my site on occasion, but that the content is typically over their head. I feel the same way; trust me. But this one should be easy for you to digest.
I just got back from dropping Chelle and Brendan off at the airport so they can spend the next 11 days in North Carolina with Chelle’s sister. I have tried to make the most of this past weekend, with this in mind. And I found myself putting everything on hold, today, so that I could spend what little time remained with them.
Now they’re gone. And while I’m happy for the time they will have there, I’m also somewhat heartbroken too. I truly hate being apart from my family. Sure, I do have to travel for business. It’s an unfortunate necessity. And while I’m away, I never cease to worry about whether or not Chelle’s getting around okay, whether she has any needs, etc. But then I shift back into business mode as I get ready to go into my meetings. This is different.
Since we’ve been married, we’ve only separated two other times for personal visits. This is now number three. And I truly wish I didn’t have so much up in the air so that I could go with them and protect them and love them. I can’t sleep without going through my nightly ritual of kissing my son’s eyes shut so he’ll have sweet dreams. Or whispering my little secrets into Chelle’s ear and watching her get completely tickled. They are my life. They are everything to me. And for the next eleven days, I will be happy to share them with others. But know that I will only be a fraction of the man I normally am.
Sure, my purpose and my eternal hope may be wrapped up in Christ. But my reason for continuing on in this existence is found in my ability to love and to serve others. Every day, Chelle and Brendan provide me my first opportunity to practice this. And when I screw things up during the day, which is usually the case, and have to make course corrections, they’re the last ones I get to practice on to see if I learned anything before I go to sleep.
They make each day so much easier for me. And now… Now I must go it alone. Now I must contend with being left alone with my mind to wander. Now I must be content that I’ve stored enough memories to get through the time. And now I must be content that others will be there to care for them.
For those who know me, this is asking a lot.
Yes, I’m sad. I miss them so very much. And all I can think to do is keep asking God to keep them safe and to please return them safely to me so that I can continue to adore them both.
And for those who think… “well, at least you have Barkley”, I have a news flash for you. He snores really, really loud. And he also hogs the bed. Either way, I’m still going to be an insomniac.
02/08/2006 at 11:03 am Permalink
Ah, Sweetie, I miss you too! It is weird being here without you, and I am sorry you could not come also.
That was a very sweet post and made me smile. I love you!
02/08/2006 at 11:08 am Permalink
I love you too Hon! I miss you guys. Please kiss Brendan for me.
And Barkley was good. He only got out of control for about an hour or so. Must have got congested.
02/08/2006 at 2:27 pm Permalink
The best advice I can offer is to embrace Barkley’s snoring, and, just for the time being, let his rythmic breathing loudly take the place of your other missing nightly rituals.
I know it’s hard-I hate to be alone, and feel like only half a person without my spouse. My prayers will be with you and your travelling family.
02/08/2006 at 7:32 pm Permalink
Thanks Jen.
I just wish he knew how to give a good back scratch, though
03/08/2006 at 1:17 pm Permalink
Oh, that made me feel sad for you! My husband is the same way, he hates it when we go away or when he has to go away on business. Men really take their protector roll seriously. That’s good. BTW, I had less eye strain today because I was smart and read your post in bloglines.
03/08/2006 at 6:16 pm Permalink
I don’t know about taking the roll seriously or not. I think it’s rather instinctive with me. I just care about my family and I never fully trust others to take my place and to pay as close attention as me.
I hope that makes sense.
And I’ve been meaning to change the color. You’re still crackin me up about that. But I’m not going with a white background. Nope. I’m white-color-blind.
03/08/2006 at 8:35 pm Permalink
Wait unti you’re 45, then you’ll say, “I can see now why Michele had such problems with the text.” Tsk, tsk, no concern for the elderly.
When I leave this blog and go to another blog, it’s like looking at the sun.
Thank the Lord for bloglines. It’s a reader’s only defense against eye strain.
03/08/2006 at 9:17 pm Permalink
Michele,
I feel I need to repent for how I’ve afflicted you
And have you stopped to think that perhaps the eye strain is due to you posting comments at 11:35pm your time?
Seriously, I do value what you’ve said. And I’ve just been super busy lately. Don’t give up on me yet