Well, my 20th high school anniversary is coming up really soon. It’s currently scheduled for October 7th. And though I’ve managed to miss all of the other ones, there’s nothing keeping back from this one. I’m really looking forward to it, to seeing old friends and to possibly re-establish a few severed relationships.
I’m not sure what others’ motivations or expectations might be for this event. I’m not so sure I even know for myself. I guess for me there are faint memories of good times mixed in with much heartache that made up the bulk of my high school years. There was so much junk going on in my home life, back then, it was several years before I started to get much sense of my own identity and it has probably only been in the last 5 years that I’ve grown comfortable in my own skin.
I suppose I’m okay to hear that I may have been a complete jerk back then. Obviously, no one wants to hear such things. But I do recall having a good case of diarrhea mouth back then. And, on top of it all, I was probably very passive-aggressive. Needless to say, there may be some wanting to relive their “glory” years. I’m living mine now. I like who I’ve become now and I like where I’m going.
You see? Life’s joy isn’t measured by how many millions you make. It’s not wrapped up in popularity or even acceptance. And it’s not fulfilled by simply giving to everyone and everything. I’ve tried them all. I’ve managed to finally hit all of them. And life’s joy was fleeting in all of them.
No, it really has only been in the past few years that I’ve actually found the things in my life, which truly bring joy and happiness to me. And in most cases it really comes down to my own acceptance of me. It’s from that base that I’ve been able to reach out to those around me and to those who are dear to me and to be able to love them in a way that hasn’t expected something in return.
Gee, I must sound like a real mental case. Huh? Much of this was very subtle to those closest to me. But they were very much on my mind. And I wrestled with them. But the new me really cares very little about who is impressed with me. I care more about whether I can be impressed with my own stand, even if it faces great opposition.
So, with all of this, it’s time to face those demons, which have haunted me. I’ve done it in all other areas of my life, but not my high school friends. I guess the timing is quite good for getting together.
A few months ago I got back in touch with Kambi Kritlow. I had a blast getting reacquainted. I had forgotten how long I’ve really known her– all the way back to early elementary school. Tonight I got an email from my old best friend Scott Campbell. I had tried to track him down for years to see what he was up to and how life had treated him, but to no avail. It was so good to hear from him.
I can recall those rare times when I would allow myself to reflect upon these unique years and to think about those friendships I cherished, yet wondered if they were real; about those crushes I was too afraid to have discovered by anyone, including myself; and of those I had alienated in an attempt to be “cool”. These memories were very dark for me for so long. But now, I’m looking forward to seeing where my suspicions were right and where I was completely fooled. I can’t wait to find out from Bonnie Ford whether she really hated my guts. Or whether Kitty Marks was ever able to forgive me for that embarrasing nightmare brought on by my mom. And there are so many more.
For me, this isn’t about reliving much of anything. And it’s not about closure. I guess it’s really about saying to all, “I survived ME! How about you?” I am really looking forward to the mommies and daddies and to seeing their kids. I’m looking forward to hearing of dreams come true or of those triumphing through tremendous heartache. You know? War stories. I bet we all have them.
If any of you from Santa Teresa’s class of 1986 comes by this way, I hope you are doing great. And I’m looking forward to seeing you. And I hope I didn’t cause you too much anguish or reason for long term therapy. And for those interested in my thoughts back then, I do promise to be very open about everything… well, everything I can remember 
And for my new and current friends, it’s because of these years that I am the way I am. As painful as they were, I wouldn’t undo them if I could. They helped shape me in so many ways. And I hope you agree with me on this.
Take care all of you.
19/08/2006 at 5:06 am Permalink
Reunions are interesting things and I think different people go to them for different motives….and I think yours are for all the right ones.
I hope you are able to see those people you are wanting to, and curious about. Can’t wait to hear all about it!
19/08/2006 at 3:46 pm Permalink
Hey Mike…not everyone can look at themselves that critically and be able to take the bad in their past and turn it into good. So good for you, and good for you for going to your reunion with positivity in mind. I can’t say that would be the same for me, LOL.
19/08/2006 at 5:04 pm Permalink
LOL Katherine…you and I feel the same way about reunions.
19/08/2006 at 5:36 pm Permalink
EE: Thanks! I’m trying to stay pretty open about the whole thing. It’s about the best I can do. I’ve heard of folks who have felt traumatized and who have kept it in for years. That’s just not me.
But what was me was that I still wasn’t comfortable with me.
mamaT: Thanks! And I’ve got a few years on you, so you need to factor that in too. I didn’t go to my 10 or 15 year reunions.
EE: Goofball
19/08/2006 at 11:20 pm Permalink
I am excited and nervous about meeting all of your friends from high school. This was suppose to be my year too, but that’s what happens when you graduate from a small Christian school. No one wants to work at getting a reunion together.
19/08/2006 at 11:50 pm Permalink
Chelle: Well, I wouldn’t be nervous about it. You were never a jerk to any of them. If anything, you may even get some sympathy
I am sorry you didn’t get a reunion this year. I would have happily gone to it. And who knows? Perhaps they’ll combine it next year.