Archive for August, 2006
Okay, so I’m sitting here doing a little late night work and watching the good old TV in the background. For those just tuning in, I have this strange need for background noise, etc. when I work or study. If it’s too quiet, I lose my ability to concentrate. Weird, huh?
So, I’m watching All the Right Moves. Remember that one with Tom Cruise, Lea Thompson and Craig T. Nelson? I cannot tell you how many times I’ve seen this movie, without noticing a particular scene. Anyone else notice the nudy nooky scene between Tom and Lea? Honestly, I don’t remember seeing it before. Then again, I usually just have it running in the background.
Anyway, I don’t really know what else to say, except that I think Lea Thompson looked better younger than older. And this isn’t the usual aging thing. She just never looked like she grew up over the years, except in her face. Hmm… And then there’s Tom. Again, I think the dude looked better when he was younger than he does now. When he was a kid, his head seemed to be proportionate with his body. But these days, he just looks kind of goofy. I’m talking about his parts in Top Gun and in War of the Worlds.
Well, I wish I could write about more. I’ve got a lot on my mind as one of my friends is really hurting and it sucks. I had some other things in mind to discuss, but when this type of stuff happens, I’d rather hold off until things perhaps change.
I’m kind of funny that way, I suppose. I can do my analytical work and get lost in it, which I need to do anyway. But my creative side tends to get blocked fairly easily, which is why you’re left with such a dull post from me. Sorry about that. I wish I could give you more.
And for my friend, it will get better. I’m sure you may not see how or when. But I’ve been there. Sometimes things have to get really bad before they get better.
Isn’t this what happened to Cruise’s character in the movie? Things were humming along okay, then hit the skids. They got pretty dark for a while. But when things turned around for him, they went better than before.
Perhaps all life isn’t like a movie. But I’m a believer that God brings things into our lives for a reason, including pain and trials. We don’t have to understand it and it’s not even necessary for us to beleive in all of this for it to be real. I happen to believe it is and I’ve seen the outcome.
I have seen where my life was and was heading. I see the kind of man I once was. And now I look at how I am today and where I am going. Don’t think any of that was brought on by all sorts of good things going on. It came as the result of being torn down to utter wreckage.
For now, let’s just go ahead and accept a simple movie lesson. It may not explain everything. But keep your hope. And to my friend, keep your hope. You have friends pulling for you.
-Mike
Friendship and being a friend are terms we’ve learned to live with since we were children. How many books or motivational presentations or sermons have you ever heard on friendship? And have you ever thought about levels of friendship? Are there friends you consider to be best friends? And do you have friends you really consider to be acquaintences?
I think the one thing we can count on that we all hold consistent regarding this topic is that NONE of us desire to be without friends. I don’t know about you, but I think I’ve been there before. In fact, I know I have.
You see? When you find yourself one day flush with friends and the next day all alone, you start to question your notion of friendship. But this really isn’t intended to be a post about analyzing good friends vs. bad friends. This is really meant to be a bit more introspective. And this is to give you my notion of being a friend.
As a result of various turns and twists in my life, I have come to the conclusion that spending my time looking for good friends was going to be time poorly spent. It just seems elusive. The harder you look, the faster it flees. Rather than lose more precious time, I thought about simply being the best friend I could possibly be, something I clearly wasn’t very good at in my earlier years.
Coming from a fairly Christian, or what some would consider to be ultra religious, background over the past 15 years, I have seen my fair share of good people throw other good people under the bus too many times. And while being in such company, I grew accustomed to being told the type of people I should be friends with and the type I should not. “Love not the world, neither the things in the world…” seems to come to mind. This verse always seems to pop up on such topics, but with a fairly detailed explanation of the context. But while the context may be close to accurate, the application of the text invariably results in criticism for befriending folks of different faith and beliefs. More to the point, I cannot tell you how many times I was taught to look down upon people who were different than me or of my supposed faith.
What a bunch of CRAP! Guys, let me tell you something fairly simple. And I hope you’re pick’n up what I’m put’n down. WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT. Even when we think we’re similar, we’re different. And it’s our individuality, mixed with that of others, which makes life colorful and enjoyable. Now, I’m not talking about racial discrimination here, though I think it’s fairly applicable. I am talking about every facet of life: race, creed, religion, sexual preference, political views, etc.
Now, am I suggesting that we accept one another’s views? Am I suggesting that we’re ultimately the same? Heck no! I am suggesting we give one another benefit of the doubt. We extend trust, until it’s lost. We demonstrate mutual respect to those who disagree with us or who believe differently. We give one another a chance.
When we arrive here, we’re ready to examine what it means to be a friend. Otherwise, all that we do and exchange with others will be conditional. Hmm… see where I’m going?
Once we’ve come to this place, we possibly have a chance to pour ourselves into those around us, whether family members, loved ones, workers at the grocery store and so on. We need to invest ourselves into others regardless of what we might ever receive in return. I’ll go a step further, we need to do more than simply invest. We need to love them. We need to be kind to them. We need to be patient with them. We need to encourage them and even see the good in them.
I am by no means there. I am trying. Some days are better than others. And sometimes I may even have a pretty decent streak. But there is still much to work on. Perhaps one day, I may actually be this type of friend. The kind that someone might actually value when there is no one else. When he is all alone.
I do value my friendships much more so than ever before. But these days, my focus is on whether or not I’m being a good friend. I want to be. I wouldn’t want anyone to ever experience that sense of aloneness that I have once felt. And if some take advantage of me in a bad sense, so be it. I’d rather be vulnerable and possibly discover such friendship than to be guarded and never have anything above a shallow relationship.
If you see me struggling or even falling behind in this endeavor, I do hope you will be a friend and give me a nudge. Sometimes that’s very necessary. And I suppose one of the reasons I love blogging is that the comment system allows for such feedback. I wonder if I’m the only one who has noticed that 
Because we’re not face-to-face, we’re sometimes more open and honest online. Just a thought. Anyway, I enjoy it. And I enjoy you. And I hope to be a good friend to you.
(note: some may be cheesy & no particular order)
There are so many more I could list. But then this would be my Thursday 1000, huh?
So, a couple of days ago, I tried to explain in layman’s terms what it is that I do. Yesterday, on my plane ride home, I found myself having the same discussion. But the gal beside me either really did get it or she was a good sales woman
Along the course of my explanation, it occurred to me a simpler way of explaining things, which is fairly industry agnostic. I see the forest through the trees.
Yep! That’s really what I do. It doesn’t matter whether it’s in my current industry or if it’s been in a former one. In fact, even when I was in the Navy I tended to demonstrate this trait. It has served me well.
Now, many will mistake this for optimism or the power of positive thinking. Let me tell you that you can be positive and a glass-half-full sort of character, but not be able to see the forest. Sorry to disappoint you. It has nothing to do with your outlook. It has to do with your focus. Make sense? Let me give you an example.
When I enlisted in the Navy, right out of high school, I didn’t do it because I wanted to “see the world”. I didn’t like traveling then and I don’t much care for it now. I did what I did out of necessity. I needed a place to live and food to eat and a way to get some training and education. In other words, I needed a chance. And the Navy gave me a chance. After taking a battery of tests, I surprised myself, and others, and obtained one of the highest scores on their Nuclear Field Qualifying Test. Gee! Who knew? All that copying and cheating must have paid off Actually, I never cheated on tests. I did copy homework, though. Hmm… I did that in college too. But I digress.
What sold me on the Navy wasn’t the GI bill. In fact, I never paid one penney into it. I suspected that if I didn’t get my degree while I was in, I wouldn’t get it at all. So, I needed a plan. My goal was to get a degree and get all the training I could milk out of the military.
Let’s consider the goal of a bachelor’s degree to be the forrest. The trees were all those obstacles that stood in my way. This included grade point average, SAT scores, recommendations, or the lack thereof, proficiency and so forth. There are only so many ways to get such an education in the Navy. And there are just so many spots available, with scads of folks competing each year from within the Navy and from outside as well.
I suspected the likelihood of getting accepted to the Naval Academy was slim to impossible. In high school, I took a physical for it and it was pretty obviously not my destiny. I can still remember doing their shuttle run and having my legs simply stop moving. BAM!!! As my face met the gym floor. Let me tell you that that can be quite humbling.
Of course there was a program called BOOST (don’t ask me what it stands for), which was geared for those who were a little deficient in some areas, but who worked hard. Umm… okay, this was a good backup plan. Then there was ECP (Enlisted Commissioning Program). This was definitely based on proficiency and you had to be in for a certain period to be eligible. I think you had to at least be selected for E-6 or Chief Petty Officer. So, this was another backup to my backup as it exceeded my desire timeline. Then there was NROTC (Naval Reserve Officer Training Corp). This was by far the most attractive route. But thousands and thousands competed each year for something like 1400 spots. What were my chances? Needless to say, I wasn’t horribly optimistic. I was pretty positive about that
I figured if I were to have a chance at an NROTC scholarship, I would have to do something extraordinary. And hence I saw the trees and sought a way through, around, under or over them– anything to get to that forrest.
I knew I needed a series of “firsts” to differentiate myself. It started with my “A” school training. Billets, or jobs, back then were randomly assigned. And I was selected to be a Machinist’s Mate. Crap! Another obstacle. But I was a decent section leader of my class and my advisor and my Master Chief seemed to like me. They liked me enough to recommend me to Captain’s Mast. Yep. Every hear of that? Well, mine was in the form of my request and their recommendation. It wasn’t punitive in nature. But there I was one day, standing in front of Captain Morrow, trembling. I was easily intimidated back then.
My request… to be allowed to go through Nuclear Electronics Technician school. This was the longer and deemed most difficult of the three nuclear field schools. In rare cases where guys did poorly, they would allow them into Machinist’s Mate or Electrician’s Mate schools. But never the other way around. I can still remember, “Groves! Come in here!” Master Chief Groves was our Command Master Chief back then. He had all of my proficiency test scores and my complete background. And the simple question was put to him asking him whether there was a reason I shouldn’t be allowed to do such a thing. Groves answered that what I sought had never been done in the nuclear Navy’s history. I would be the first. But my proficiency scores showed I definitely had the aptitude. To my surprise, Captain Morrow approved my request after giving me a stern warning about if I were to fail. They tried this one more time after me, but the guy failed to make the transition and that was that. I cemented my little spot in an insignificant portion of history.
Now, my time as an ET (that’s what they called us along with Twidget), was interesting. Unlike the previous class, my advisor despised me. He was a wuss! What can I say. I will always remember him as Mr. Stay Puft. But he had it in for me because the department Master Chief had decided to appoint me the section leader for the class since I had the most seniority by this time. This turkey never ceased to throw wrinkles in my plans. Ahh… more obstacles. Well, I continued to persevere despite him and managed to earn favor elsewhere in the command as I was asked to delay my training for a while to work on staff at the school. I was glad to do this.
I had a great time working at the school and I’ll never forget it. I loved the folks I worked with and we had a ton of fun. I really looked up to all of them, especially the 1st class petty officer above me and the department Master Chief. The only one that was challenging was the bull dike department chief. But I allowed her to be more manly than me and she tolerated me well. The only time she ever gave me a bad time was when she sent me back to my barracks to change my underwear. Apparently white bikini style underwear with red hearts show up pretty darn well under Navy dress white uniforms. Enough said. I don’t know how I allowed Sheila McCreary to talk me into them.
Anyway, I stayed on for a while and to my surprise it was the bull dike I had won over the most. One day she simply surprised me with a recommendation for the NROTC scholarship, citing all of the things I had apparently contributed to the department and to the school. I think I almost cried. Or did cry. This woman did for me what I never would have expected. And it taught me a valuable lesson about giving people a chance. Sure, I still remember her as the bull dike, but she actually has reserved a place in my heart and in my memories. Did see that one coming did ya’?
Well, here was again, back in front of Captain Morrow for a second time. Actually it was a third. During the summer, he decided to have several tons of shaved ice brought in for a snow ball fight in Orlando. And I accidentally pegged him in the head with an ice ball. Fortunately, he didn’t see who threw it. But he was pissed. I digress. So… this is the meeting where there is no Groves. Instead, it’s just him, me and my records. As he reviews them all, he’s quite impressed until he gets to my SAT scores. Crap! A 1020. I’m not sure if understood that I was drunk the night before– as in like sloshed. I had drunk a 2 liter bottle of wine coolers, by myself. I mean, I wasn’t alone. But I did drink the bottle alone. Am I making sense?
Ugh! He began to tell me about how much he had just finished spending on his son’s education and about how he had way better scores than me. Great! Another obstacle. So… I asked him to please sign my recommendation package and endorse it if he thought I had done a good job for him. After encouraging me with the “not a snow ball’s chance in hell speech” he agreed to endorse my package and send it forward to Washington.
During this time, or the interim before going to my next school, I was befriended by a chief warrant officer, Lindsey I think was his name. He seemed to see something in me that I didn’t quite recognize. Anyway, he called me into his office one day to ask me if I would consider a temporary assignment for the base commander, some rear admiral. Sure, why not? They wanted me, along with a couple of others from different bases around FL, to come up with a strawman program to keep young sailors off of drugs, booze, porn and so forth. Sorry EE Instead, we were asked to figure out ways to get such new sailors into various forms of recreation. We did this, and actually had a couple of great parties during the course. Ironic, huh? Eventually, what we came up with was initiated Navy wide. I don’t know if it’s still in use, but we made some difference for a brief period of time.
Apparently, this chief warrant officer went to go work for the Chief of Naval Education and Training. This happens to be the little group that decides over all of the scholarship approvals. Hmm… I wonder…
I can probably go on and on and on. But suffice it to say, I received my scholarship. Now, I only had 3 weeks to get accepted to SOME school. But I did get it. Perhaps I’ll describe the other trees at another time.
My point of all this is that seeing the forrest through the trees isn’t about psycho babble. It’s about focus. When problems arise, do you dwell on your problems? Do you dwell on your disappointments? Do you dwell on your faults?
If so, change your focus. What’s your plan? What’s your desire? Can you see a way to them? Forget about how outlandish it might be. And forget about what your critics say. Visualize what you’d like and then try to see the path there.
I am where I am today, not because of how smart I am or how lucky I have been. I am here because God has simply given me an ability to see the forrest through the trees in a way that others cannot. And I hope he never takes this away from me.